Goal Setting: Create connection for a Closer Family
The New Year is indeed new. That fresh start we all need is there for the receiving. And since fresh starts create in the mind the idea of heading somewhere new, it is only natural to want to set goals. Today’s blog post is all about goal setting in order to create connection for a closer family.
As T.S.Elliot reminds us in his poem from Four Quartet:
"For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice."
What message are you speaking to yourself this new year?
This week I want to equip you with a goal planning exercise for the year.
I know! I can hear you:
Therese, everyone online has been sending out planners, questions to ask, what's your WORD themes for the last few weeks...why wait until the 2nd day of January to share it???
To make a point.
Your fresh start begins on the day YOU decide it starts.
You aren't limited to a date. The day for change is the day YOU decide change happens.
Let's take a closer look on how to create Goal Setting for a Closer Family this year.
Instead of planning for the whole year, I want you to do something unconventional.
I want you to plan for the next 90 days instead.
Of course, look at your calendar and plunk in the dates for family vacations, birthdays, homeschool graduations and anything else that may need to be on your radar. But then...scale back to a view of 3 months only.
If goal setting is something that doesn't come easily to you, looking at a full year can be daunting. It can also allow for procrastination. When building towards attachment within your marriage, family relationships or God it's best to simplify and work in a shorter space of time.
90 days will give you the freedom to have some space to accomplish your goals and it will also give you a bit more urgency to create structure and tangible goals for the here and now rather than allowing them to be relegated to the ethereal "one day".
We all know how fast life can change in a busy household and an even busier homeschool! Using a shorter time frame to accomplish your goals allows for you to pivot and adjust as life's curveballs come your way.
You can work on the same goal all year long - but doing so in 90 day increments allow you to create a fluid plan that gives you a greater sense of control rather than be frustrated that life's emergencies have upended your efforts.
How to get started?
Building off of TS Eliot's suggestion of giving this year another voice, ask yourself, "What new words of life does our family need this year?"
Hope? Play? Structure? Discipline? Laughter? Connection?
Pray and ask the Lord for what your family needs most in the next three months. He knows what is best to strengthen your connection for the coming year.
Pick 1 or 2 words to focus on. Remember simplified goals get accomplished. There is a temptation to load up your plate with activities and makeup for lost time. Keep things simplified and start fresh right where you are today.
Questions to Ask
For the sake of example, we'll pretend that a woman, Clare has chosen Laughter and Connection as her goal for her marriage with James and daughter, Rebecca. Creating attachment in her family is new for her as she didn’t attach well as a child with her own family.
What is my goal and why?
Example: I feel like James and I haven't connected the way we used to. We've been under stress since he took on that new role at work. It's time to create balance with the seriousness of work by bringing in some light-hearted feelings again. I want to remind him to enjoy this life we are working so hard to build together. There’s more to our lives than work and our homeschooling adventures. I want to discover that again.
I feel like I’m losing something between Rebecca and I. I want to recapture the closeness we once had. I want to reduce the amount of time Rebecca spends with her technology-screen addiction is a pressing problem today. I know our attachment to each other is damaged right now because she is over-attached to screen time. Besides limiting the time she spends online, I am planning alternative activities with her and for her. I want to move away from the homeschool online games for education and create some fun with board games, books and nature. I am intent on it being a happy time and pleasant.
What response do I hope for?
Example: I want James to feel safe and loved in his home and to reduce his stress from working so hard. I want him to smile as he heads home each day knowing that their is happiness waiting for him at home.
I want Rebecca to enjoy the outdoors again. So much so that she forgets her i- phone and that we build a happy memory together and work toward building our bond of love. I want Rebecca to be engaged and chatty with me and for laughter to be the sound in our home again. I want homeschool to come alive again and not be solely about curriculum or finding a way to organize it all.
Event/Activity/Task: (Describe what your vehicle for growing attachment will be)
Example: Making time for a forgotten hobby together, nature walks, indoor balloon tennis match, etc. Remember laughter and connection can happen without a lot of fanfare!
When will this take place and where? Weekly endeavours? Daily attempts?
Plan some small daily steps towards laughter and plan some weekly intentional time. Carve out a spot on the calendar and block off an hour or two to focus on your goal. Also slip in small wins during the week that can build towards your whole goal. This is especially important if screen time addiction has been a source of mini-victories with video games or educational games.
How will I reach out? A fun way? Verbally? Via a note? What can I do that will be unexpected?
Who will be involved? Just us? Or connection with community, church, homeschooling friends and others?
How much time am I setting aside? What can I give up to make space for this? Where can I be intentional in between the moments of life? How can I make this part of our homeschooling day? And afterwards?
What kind of words will create connection? Example: “I’ve been planning this and looking forward to this for some time.” “I love being with you and doing stuff like this.” “It has been too long since you and I did something like this together.” “We should do this more often.”
How can I express physical touch and connection? Eye contact? Hug? Kiss? Touch?
What can I do to solidify the memory? Photo? A note later? A video? Talking aloud about it to someone else? “I had such a fabulous time with Rebecca today.” Making a gift of what you’ve made and presenting to the family or someone else?
Is this repeatable in some fashion? How can I continue on the path of growing connection?
The Proof is In the Pudding
Keep a journal of what you did each day towards your goal. Don't overwhelm yourself - even simply scratching out your success inside tiny calendar square box counts! Coincidentally, this makes for a great gratitude journal!
Having a record to review truly helps you see the progress you are making. Little moments add up to creating the culture you want in your home and family.
How will you record your progress?
Spending the next 90 days working towards your goal can bring much fulfillment towards the overall goal of attachment in marriage and parenting and create a close knit family.
Whatever your goal is for you and your family members- Tidiness, obedience, creativity, fun, improving in math - make a commitment to stick to your goal for 90 days.
You will be amazed at how much closer you and your family can become as you work to implement the new language and voice of this year.
This year, one goal I have is to help more families learn the power of attachment in their home, to help families overcome screen time addiction, give helpful resources to families for homeschool organization, becoming curriculum free if they so choose and learning to teach through discussion, as well as giving parents who come to me for one-to-one help the solutions and support they need.
Tell me, what are your attachment goals for this year? Let me know in the comments
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