Boundaries Build Attachment
When a homeschooling family spends all day together, what do boundaries look like? When we talk about building attachment with our children, where do boundaries come in?
Boundaries build attachment and create connection. In today’s post we’re going to explore this idea.
I set boundaries for myself, a lot. I have absolutes. My family has absolutes too. We’ve always stated them, and that has helped us with day-to-day formation.
This family does not yell at each other.
We are a family that talks things out.
We don’t watch movies that use God’s name in vain. In this family, we don’t swear.
Every person deserves to be treated with dignity. This includes people in the media and in movies. We don’t watch nudity.
Parents set the example. We will never be drunk. We will never take drugs.
We share what we have; it is who we are.
What you put up with, is what you end up with. We aren’t perfect. We sin. But we still keep our boundaries. Once they are set, it brings freedom. Declaring your family boundaries help keep a vision and practice of virtue.
When my children were small and would begin raising their voices during a spat, I would remind them gently, but firmly, “In our family we don’t yell at each other. We use our words. We express our frustration, our anger, our concerns, but we don’t have to yell.” It worked. We developed the habit of dealing directly with issues, but knew the rules of engagement….we still do.
Love is an action, a choice, and an act of the will. We can choose to have gentle eyes, a gentle voice, a sincere concern – even in the midst of trials and challenges. I can expect respect. I am able to self-regulate because I am a creature made in the image of God.
Rules and boundaries, just like the Commandments, are necessary and beautiful.
We do not steal….period.
We do not envy….period.
God says we can keep such boundaries. I believe Him. Boundaries build attachment.
Many people ask me about boundaries for their children and their smart devices. Too much screen time creates a screen addicted parent or child. Boundaries are what keeps addiction at bay. No boundaries for device time and you will find a child or a parent who has become very attached to their devices.
What boundaries need building in your home? What boundaries have created attachment in your family?
Come to a live or online event and hear Therese speak on Attachment and the parenting issues. Check out the schedule here.