10 Areas Attachment can help Heal your Family
Over these many years of working with and helping families come to understand attachment, I’ve noticed the trends…patterns of suffering. The pressures and concerns of families have shifted in the last ten years. Many times people think they are the only ones with a particular challenge. Parents suffer in isolation. This need not be. Here are 10 Areas Attachment can help heal your family.
In helping families, I am aware it gives relief to them when I share the kinds of challenges others are also experiencing. Here are the top ten difficulties I witness families wrestling with in our present times and guess what the solution is to each one? Attachment.
Each item below is an issue that I have helped many families navigate over the past year. Several families thought hope was lost. But using the principles of Attachment, hearts and lives were reconnected.
1. Pornography addiction – This is impacting not only dads, sons, but also moms and daughters. This is not only a male sin, but over more recent years, a growing problem among women. I am seeing more addiction among our youth, the Internet being the main portal for this growing attachment.
2. Screen/technology addiction- This is a huge problem in homes, causing upheaval in terms of relationships, spirituality, health, maturation, ambition, motivation, distractedness, and psychological, behavioural/ emotional well being.
3. Attachment issues – Many parents share that they or their children are messed up in terms of priorities – namely the love bond. Children are more attached to things, fashion, peers, computer gaming, fads, entertainment than they are to God, Mom & Dad, or family members. Children are not taking their cues from their parents and are oppositional in behaviour. Rebellion is a significant problem.
4. Delayed maturity men. I meet regularly ladies who share the great challenge in the home with husbands who are not growing up. They describe men who spend the majority of their time playing video games, watching sports, meeting with pals more than with their children, and being financial irresponsible by spending what they don’t have on entertainment, “toys”, and adventures outside of the family. This issue is big and more common than spoken about.
5. Materialism and consumerism – I encounter families where online shopping is especially out of control. Women can be at the forefront of this problem. I hear how overwhelmed parents feel with their “stuff” and clutter. A surprising amount of friction comes from this “god”. Couples share with me that this issue is at the heart of many fights and is breaking down their bonds of attachment.
6. Children’s lifestyle choices – Many children brought up in Christian homes are choosing to live secular, worldly lives after or during their time at home. Sometimes they choose to embrace a non-Christian faith or cult. Adult children are deciding to live with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Some announce they are in a homosexual relationship. These various situations cause heartbreak, division, conflict, and confusion.
7. Busy-ness – We are a run-ragged society and the consequence of this shows in broken marriages, relationships, order in the home, and neglect of duties. Down deep people are longing for simplicity, but have found themselves buried by life. Attachment with family is pushed to the wayside.
8. Depression and anxiety – As people deal with chronic stress and worry, many are becoming depressed and anxious. This is not just the case for adults, but many children and teens are afflicted. Results created chaos in the home, or a lack of ability to take care of problems and responsibilities.
9. Allergies and illness – It seems more people struggle with health than ever before. The consequences of this can be very challenging to families as they make adjustments in day-to-day life in handling the needs of those who are not well.
10. Learning barriers and behavioural challenges – When a child struggles as a learner, or has social or behavioural challenges, it can be a formidable challenge to family life. An increase in the numbers with autism, perception problems, attention and focus issues, social anxieties and awkwardness, etc. is a reality. Families who homeschool and those who don’t face these problems on a daily basis.
Maybe you are aware of the results of my informal attachment survey and observations, but perhaps you aren’t aware of the pervasiveness of these issues.
In my work coaching people through these serious difficulties, I know the power of God in moving people from “stuck” to “proactive”. Nothing is insurmountable with His help.
The key is making a decision to tackle problems, to have a healthy prayer life, to establish plan and strategy, to set goals and the means to achieve them, to be accountable, and to establish fixed boundaries. Sometimes information is needed, methods, resources, or just to talk about situations.
The evil one wants us isolated, removed from attachment and convinced we are without hope or solutions. These lies can paralyze good people. There is always a way out and God desires for us good things.
Attachment is one of those good things. And as we continue to learn how to attach to one another, the suffering in different challenges is overcome.
Is your family facing a challenge on that list? Don't suffer alone or believe the lie that you are the only family who faces these challenges. Re-establishing health attachment to each other is the very thing that will help you move forward. Let's talk.